She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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