Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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