I'm passing your future prison.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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