if i can run in heels then i can drive
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
