fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
