what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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