I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
