dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
