I want to make a zoo with you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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