She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
