when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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