Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
