Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
