No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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