I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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