It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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