meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
