A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
