The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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