I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
