1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You did what with his pubic hair?
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