Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
