Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
