I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
