I must be too annoying 4 u.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
