So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize