I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
