moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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