im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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