i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
