Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
