I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
