Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
