Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
