apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
