The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
