I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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