I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
