I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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