I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't deserve a penis
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
