so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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