Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize