Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
