Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
