he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
