I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
