No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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