I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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