no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
