he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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