marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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