dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
