I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No subtext here. People are naked.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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