please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
