Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
